#3: Excuse Me - Is This Chicken Parm...Gutten-Free?

Cooking Prep:  Although I made a point to stay away from celebrity compilation cookbooks, I was shocked and delighted to come across one particular celebrity who had actually made a compilation cover:  Mr. Steven Guttenberg.  

Steve Guttenberg was America's Sweetheart during the '80s - Police Academy 1-17, Cocoon, 3 Men & A Baby (highest-grossing movie of 1987), Short Circuit (highest-grossing robot-themed movie of 1986) - every swing he took was a home run.  If you needed a hit, Guttenberg's phone number was at the front of every Hollywood executive's rolodex. He was a goofy everyman that just made you happy about being alive. 

And then 1990 happened, and the Gutten-magic ended.  For 5 years, Guttenberg didn't make a single movie. I'm no conspiracy theorist, but I'm sure it's no coincidence that horrible things like Vanilla Ice, MC Hammer, Robocop 2, Point Break, stone-washed jeans, and hypercolor t-shirts all emerged during this Guttenberg movie vacuum - it was society's coping mechanism for a Gutten-free world.  I'm convinced that Steve Guttenberg's career should have followed the same type of trajectory as Tom Hanks. Similarly famous actors in the 80s - but then Hanks took his career to the next level when he made Sleepless in Seattle and Philadelphia, and Guttenberg stayed home.

Today, Steve Guttenberg is synonymous with 'direct to video'.  I promise you, any movie he's made after 1995 - and there have been well over 30 - you will not have heard of.  You may, however, have seen him as a reoccurring character in a few episodes of Veronica Mars in 2006.  Or perhaps you caught him in a 2007 episode of Law & Order: Criminal Intent? If you are so inclined, you can get caught up with Steve's life through his recently-released autobiography The Guttenberg Bible. 

Since this is a compilation cookbook, I will also be cooking recipes by Dolly Parton and Joan Lunden.  But let's be honest - this post is all about Guttenberg.

Cookbook:

I can't quite put my finger on it, but something feels terribly wrong about a group of celebrities 'cooking up an end to childhood hunger'. Apparently selling 8 copies of this book was a better option than opening their wallets.  I guess every little bit helps.  Hopefully Jeff Bridges threw a giant party on his third yacht to thank everyone for 'chipping in.'

The actual recipes are as diverse as the collection of celebrities.  Appetizers, sides, mains, desserts - a large selection with a wide range of difficulty and complexity.  Released in 2001, many of the celebrities in this book are still relevant, or at the very least are on the fringe of relevancy.  Having Guttenberg on the cover may have actually been pushing it as he was probably on his 10th or 11th 'direct to video' movie at that point.  

Cooking Soundtrack:  Police Academy Soundtrack (1984), Cocoon Soundtrack (1985)

Theme for the Evening:  Pick any Guttenberg pun.  

Assistance:  Kelly Muse - long time friend, multi-talented musician, current 'Splashy Fish' record holder. Carolyn Nishon - girlfriend of Kelly, multi-talented photographer, former 'Splashy Fish'             record holder. Both came down from Portland to assist in cooking!

Recipes:

1. Joan Lunden's Butternut Squash Soup

Preparation Time: 10 minutes
Cook Time: 1 hour

1 medium butternut squash (about 2 1/2 lbs)
1 tablespoon butter or margarine
1 medium onion, chopped
1 teaspoon to 1 tablespoon grated fresh ginger
3 cups chicken broth
Salt and pepper, to taste
6 tablespoons low-fat sour cream, for garnish
6 apple slices, for garnish

1.  Preheat oven to 400F. Halve squash lengthwise, discard seeds.  

2. Arrange squash halves, cut-side-down, on baking pan coated with nonstick cooking spray.

3. Bake 40 minutes, or until very tender; remove from oven and let cool. Remove pulp from skin.

4.  Meanwhile, in saucepan over medium heat, melt butter or margarine.  Add onion and ginger; cook five minutes, or until onion is tender.  

5. Add broth and simmer, covered, 10 minutes. Add squash pulp; mix well.

6.  In blender or food processor, process squash mixture until smooth.  Return soup to saucepan and add 1 to 2 cups water to reach desired consistency;  heat through over low heat.  

7. Garnish, if desired, with low-fat sour cream and apple slices.

Thoughts: This was 'soup'er easy to make. It's really fun watching squash turn into soup in a blender!  I forgot to purchase the ginger (it camouflaged itself in my shopping basket), and so we scoured the house looking for ginger ale, Sprite or any other comparably-flavored substitute. This was obviously a terrible panic move, and in the end we thankfully didn't overcompensate. The soup came out very well, and I would say that the ginger is not essential to the soup. Neither is the sour cream, especially if you happen to have a lactose intolerant roommate. Unfortunately for Whitney, we DID put some in, and she just stared at us as we slurped it down and loudly remarked at how good it turned out.  The 40 minutes of cooking time in the oven bought us the time we needed to prepare the main dish and the dessert.  Bottom line - Joan Lunden knows her way around a gourd. 

2. Steve Guttenbergs's No-fry Chicken Parmesan

Preparation Time: 10 minutes

Cook Time: 30 minutes

4 boneless, skinless chicken-breast halves (about 1 1/2 lbs)

1 egg, beaten

3/4 cup Italian-seasoned dry bread crumbs

3 1/4 cups (26-ounce jar) marinara sauce

1 cup shredded mozzarella cheese 

1.  Preheat oven to 400F.  Dip chicken breasts in egg, then bread crumbs, coating well.

2.  In a 13x9 glass baking dish, arrange chicken in a single layer.  Bake, uncovered, 20 minutes.  

3.  Pour sauce over chicken, then top with cheese.  Bake an additional 10 minutes, or until chicken is no longer pink.

Serving suggestion:  Serve on top of steaming spaghetti or linguini.

Thoughts:  This is about as basic as recipes come, and you really can't screw up chicken parm.  It's always very tasty and comforting, but most of the flavor in this case comes from knowing this is a Steve Guttenberg recipe.  That said, I'm hoping he didn't quit his day job to perfect this recipe.  Kelly and Carolyn tackled the majority of this one, as I was busy fighting with Dolly Parton's dessert.  Bottom line:  If you're looking for a starter recipe to teach your 4 year old how to cook, this might be the one.  The recipe is not amazing, but it Guttenough. We served it over fettucini.

2. Dolly Parton's Islands in the Stream

Preparation Time: 10 minutes

Cook Time: 35 minutes

Chill Time: 1 hour

3 eggs, separated
1 cup sugar, divided
1 tablespoon all-purpose flour
4 cups milk
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg (optional)

1.  In medium bowl, with electric mixer at medium speed, beat egg yolks with 2/3 cup sugar until light and smooth.  Beat in flour; set aside.
2.  In small saucepan, heat milk just until boiling.  With wire whisk or fork, slowly stir in egg mixture and cook, stirring constantly 20 minutes, or until thickened.  Remove from heat and stir in vanilla.  Pour custard into serving bowl.  Cover with plastic wrap pressed onto surface to prevent skin from forming, then refrigerate at least 1 hour, or until ready to serve.
3.  Before serving, in medium bowl, with electric mixer at high speed, beat egg whites with the remaining 1/3 cup sugar until stiff.
4. Fill a nonstick skillet three-quarters full with water. Bring to a boil.
5.  To make meringues, drop egg whites by tablespoonfuls into boiling water.  Cook 3 minutes, or until cooked and hardened, turning once.  With slotted spoon, remove meringues and arrange on custard mixture.
6. Sprinkle with nutmeg. Chill until ready to serve.

Thoughts: What. A. Mess. Easily my biggest cooking fail so far. At least I think I failed. To the left is what it was supposed to look like, and I think I accurately followed the recipe.  I mean, I didn't have a mixer, and it did boil over once (right picture) during a mental lapse during which I became bored with stirring for 20 minutes straight...but other than that it seemed to go pretty well.  I thought I was on the right track when I put it in the fridge to cool.  By the way - I have no idea what kind of Super Fridge Dolly Parton has installed in her house, but it took much longer than an hour for this to chill in my fridge.  This happened around the three hour mark when Kelly and Carolyn were just about asleep. But I'll talk about that a little later.  WHILE the custard was chilling, we had our feast:

 The food - and company - was great.  Well after dinner, during my last custard check, I determined that it wasn't thickening into a custard like I thought it should. My general impression of custard is that it is supposed to have a Jello pudding-like consistency. My concoction ended up being more like a thick vanilla-ey sugar sauce.  It's hard to tell from the book's picture if it more liquid or solid. I guess I'll never know.  

As far as I can tell, the islands in the stream were supposed to represented by the meringue. Too bad I never got as far as step #3, and just ended up with a whole lotta stream.  To save the sinking ship on this sadness stream, I put the bowls in the freezer to make a frozen custard and went to bed.  

The following morning, the first thing we all did was check the custard.  After brewing coffee, of course.  The custard turned out great! Old timey ice cream at it's best.  Since none of us really wanted to eat a bowl of ice cream at 9am, we decided instead to use it as coffee creamer. 

Dolly Parton's Islands in the Stream recipe can suck it. I've decided to rename it No Fail Polar Vortex Custard.  You won't be disappointed.

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Verdict:  This was fun! Cooking can often seem very daunting (especially for someone like me, who considers two veggie burger patties and a baked potato to be dinner), but when you actually make the time to identify a recipe, buy the ingredients, and cook, it's actually a piece of cake.  Sometimes it ends up being less work in the long run, because you can have leftovers for up to two or three days - instead of cooking meal to meal.

Two of the three recipes I chose were easy and solid, and we managed to salvage the dessert.  I'd probably try to substitute in a different dessert, but otherwise I am very happy with how everything turned out. My only regret was discovering only too late a Kenny Loggins pasta recipe - I would love to have cooked it, but unfortunately it would have meant taking us into the Danger Zone with an additional entree.  If he had instead offered up an appetizer or a dessert, The Guttenberg-Loggins meal would have been THE BEST CELEBRITY RECIPES COMBO OF ALL TIME.    

Grades:

Cookbook Variety: A- (lots of different recipes - the compilation factor takes it down a notch) 

Cost: A (everything was made with inexpensive, easy to find ingredients)

Ease & Time of Preparation: B+  (easy to make, and we were able to cook concurrently. F-ing Islands in the Stream keeps this from being an A-)

Taste: A- (Gutten tasty)

Overall Grade: A- (butternut squash soup and chicken parm is a delicious combo)