#4: Make Sure Your Buttocks Are Descending

With one of ten classes under my belt, I was feeling pretty good about myself.  I had emerged a yoga survivor, had beaten the Blissful Monkey.  Granted, it was me and a class of 57 year olds in an 'Inexplicably Gentle Yoga For Coma Patients & Other Invalids' class, but still - I had been challenged and had definitely broken a sweat. There was no judgement, and the instructor, Bec, had been so supportive that it somehow didn't matter that I could only hold 17% of the poses as demonstrated.

With #1 complete, I turned my attention to #2 (heh heh). I really liked the beginner's class, but it was unfortunately only offered once a month at Blissful Monkey; luckily, it had been offered the night of my first session. I had really hoped to take a few more practice swings before moving up to a greater level of difficulty.  The January schedule did provide a few different options that worked well with my schedule:

Fingers crossed they have 'cat & cat owner yoga' next month!

I know what you're thinking: Where was I going to find a baby for the 'Mom & Baby Yoga' or the 'Kindermusik'?  Well, I'm going to have to stop you right there.  Unfortunately those sessions were mid-day, and I couldn't be away from the office for that long.  Plus, no moms responded to my Craigslist ad.

Instead, I opted for a very distant Plan C: the Iyengar class. The Blissful Monkey website describes this class as teaching 'students the classic yoga postures (asanas) with precise instruction and attention to alignment'.  Even more important, the website also indicated that this class was suitable for students new to yoga.  So this class was destined to be #2. Let's do this, Monkey!

When I arrived at Thursday's class, I noticed that there were about 25% fewer students in this class than the beginner class earlier in the week.  I recognized three or four faces from Tuesday, but everyone else was new to me - including the instructor.  I would miss Bec, and hoped that Nadja would be just as good. The average age of the class was probably closer to 45 this time. I set up shop in the back of the class, to be a little bit more anonymous (last week I showed up just before the class started, and had to situate right next to the instructor in the crowded studio), and to have a better line of sight to observe each pose demonstrated by the instructor.  Next to me, setting up a fancy leopardskin-patterned mat, was a gentleman who I will now refer to as 'Chad' - my new yoga nemesis.

Chad, as pointed out by my good friend Brandon, is the ultimate nemesis name. Think about it - can you identify anything or anyone good named Chad? 

Examples:

Haven't heard much from Chad Lowe recently? Who cares.

Welcome to the White House, Mr Bush.
You can thank Florida for being an idiot.

Chad Johnson hated his name so much he changed it to a number.

One of the poorest and most corrupt countries in the world.

Just uttering the name 'Chad' makes you an angrier, more hate-filled person. Chad is the slow-moving guy in front of you on the sidewalk who you just can't get around. Chad is that girl ahead of you at the bus stop who doesn't have her pass ready when the bus arrives. And Chad is that guy who always yells 'Freebird' at a concert. Brandon's Chad is the pace-keeping device he uses when he runs.   His goal is to never let Chad beat him in a run, whether he's doing a casual run or a road race.  In my case, the Chad next to me was a bit of a yoga loose cannon.  When we started, he seemed to have an air of confidence about him, and so I thought he would be safe to emulate since he was next to me.  Wrong.  As soon as Nadja announced the next pose, he would start doing it before she explained how to get into it.  And his pose looked almost nothing like what Nadja was doing.  Douche.

The theme of this class was clearly 'make sure your buttocks are descending'.  I think Nadja referenced buttocks at least 50 times - which is fine - except I had no idea how to make them descend. Or pull them to the floor.  Or whatever other action she wanted my buttocks to take.  They've always just kinda been there, and I don't have much control over them.   I'll bet Chad thought he knew how to make his buttocks descend.  I also had no idea how to move certain muscles 'toward the bone' they were connected to.  These were all nonsense instructions to me.  

The pace and difficulty of this class was less intense than the first class - but we were more focused this time on individual poses than making them all 'flow' together.  Chad was focused on being Awesome Chad - surprisingly, Nadja never really offered suggestions or otherwise interacted with him.  Can't say that I blame her. He was also an obnoxiously load breather.  The ongoing frustration I had was not being able to connect the verbal instructions with the action I'm supposed to take.  If you mention more than five body parts in ten seconds, as well as throw in two or three body part actions,  my brain is going to overheat and freeze.  At one point, Nadja politely suggested that I sit a pose out after I could not grasp what I was supposed to do. Due to my lack of flexibility, she also gave me a stool to use for some of the poses.  Not a problem - I'd rather have my pride hurt than my burlap hamstring.

Overall, it was a good class. After two classes I feel much more confident in what I'm doing, although the lack of flexibility and inability to get the poses correct is still frustrating.  I also think that anyone with short arms and legs (like myself) will automatically struggle, regardless of how flexible he or she is.  There was also no focus on inhaling and exhaling in the class, which I found during the first class to be extremely hard to maintain while holding poses. I have a feeling that this is a topic that will be a challenge in class #3 and beyond.

Finally, it got a little dicey when I discovered a clock hidden in a shadowed corner in the back of the room - this may make the next eight 90-minute classes feel like 3-hour classes.  

Next class, Sunday morning!